Mental health problems are like a stain, once they happen in your life you’re scarred by it forever. You have to wake up every single day and make the decision to be better, and that’s not easy. No one understands what a big step it is for a self-harmer to say: “I almost cut today but I didn’t, because I made the choice that I wanted to go on and I shouldn’t hurt myself”.
It took me a long time to understand that life hurts enough, people hurt you enough, you don’t need to hurt yourself. You have to make the decision to take care of yourself. I know I sound a bit like a motivational speaker when I say shit like that but sometimes that’s what it takes.
I don’t think people love me. They love versions of me I have spun for them, versions of me they have construed in their minds. The easy versions of me, the easy parts of me to love.